Here it is, the AMSTS Joe Buck Drinking Game. With apologies to Jack Buck:
JOE BUCK DRINKING GAME. (On a scale of 1-10 in drinking ability, you need a 4 to play this game to the full extent of the rules
In order to properly play a Joe Buck drinking game, we highly recommend a mixed drink. Might we recommend a drink we affectionately call a Joe Buck? 2 parts scotch (Which straight up would be a “Jack Buck”) 1 part water and served over crushed ice (effectively killing the drink, like Joe has killed the Buck legacy. Plus the longer the drink sits, the more it’s watered down, just like Joe Buck).
To begin the game, before the game begins, if any member of your party is a legacy (aka has a famous father), they’ll be forced to drink twice as much whenever there’s a drink (or drinks) required (once for daddy!). He must be called J.B. for the rest of the game. This can only be reversed if Joe mentions his father, at which point all the non-legacies must drink twice for every drink for the rest of the game, and must take a Joe Buck sidekick nickname (Tim McCarver, Troy Aikman, no limit on which sport). If there is more than one legacy in your group, the one who has done the least with his life without his father’s help will become the J.B.
Now, on to the actual broadcast:
To begin the game, let’s get everyone an opening drink, shall we?
+1 drink for a broadcast opening of just player and team names. “A-ROD. ORTIZ. YANKEES. RED SOX.”
+2 drinks if the players named are both starting pitchers.
Bonus drink if he ends it with “NEXT on FOX”
Five bonus drinks if the names are A-Rod and Ortiz.
+1 drink if it’s a lead-changing hit
+2 drinks if it’s a game-winning hit
+3 drinks if it’s the series winning hit (in baseball)
+4 drinks if the call just repeats the on screen action with no description: “The hit falls in. One bounce. Two bounces, three, off the wall. Victorino is going to have a double” – Actual Joe Buck call, 2009.
“That’s the end of the inning”
+1 drink for every inning he does it (2 drinks 2nd time, 3 drinks 3rd time, etc)
+5 drinks if it’s not actually the end of the inning.
In Good Company:
+1 drink for ignoring something ridiculous Tim McCarver / Troy Aikman says
+2 drinks for agreeing with something ridiculous Tim McCarver / Troy Aikman says
We all know:
+1 drink for mentioning any championship droughts of teams playing
+2 drinks for mentioning championship droughts of teams not playing
+3 drinks for mentioning Chicago Cubs
+4 drinks for mentioning the “Curse of the Billy Goat”
+5 drinks for all Steve Bartman references.
Wasn’t this the intro?:
+1 drink for a play-by-play consisting of nothing but saying player’s names extremely loud.
+2 drinks for saying the words “next on Fox” (approved ruling: “coming up on Fox” is also acceptable, depending upon house rules)
Stay away from the unwashed masses:
+1 drink for Joe talking about a celebrity in the crowd
+2 drinks if the person is acting in a Fox TV show or movie
+3 drinks for Joe chastising the crowd for an action or chant
+4 drinks for Joe chastising a player for an action
Thanks to Ryan from Philly:
+1 drink every time he says “regular year” instead of “regular season”
+1 every time he says “2 out” instead of “2 outs” (+2 for the second time he says it, +3 for the third, etc.)
+1 drink every time he announces a play before it happens (ie, “inning over” as the groundball is just getting to the fielder)
Thanks to Nick from UmpireBible for the following rule addition:
+1 drink every time Joe incorrectly labels a foul ball a foul tip (need a definition? Check it out here). Approved ruling: First person to yell “foul tip” can give his drink to another player.
As always, these rules are bound to change. We’re willing to accept new rule suggestions, just contact us via the contact button at the top of the page!